Where to go that’s close to home for a six day break in April?  Somewhere warm, somewhere international, somewhere not overrun by Aussies. I would have chosen somewhere more budget-friendly, but it was Matt’s turn to choose a destination, and he wanted to go to New Caledonia, where I could practice my French, and where the food is good. He had set a budget which included eating out every night. He was not interested in snorkeling or diving (he’s scared of the water), so we would hire a car and discover the mainland.

We touched down at 11am at La Tontouta airport. I was taken aback by the heat and the humidity. How easily you forget how that feels after some cold Sydney months. We started sweating almost straightaway after landing. Matt cashed in some Australian dollars for Pacific Francs while I waited at the baggage carousel. I tried to draw money at the only ATM but it was out of order.  Next, the little telecoms booth had sold out of SIM cards, and I overheard a woman telling someone he would have to wait until Monday. I had expected there to be some tourist info, perhaps some free maps of the island, or some helpful brochures. Nada!

We dragged a trolley with our luggage to the car hire place outside the airport. After a lengthy process to show ID and drivers licence, we couldn’t find the car in the parking lot opposite. It wasn’t at the allotted parking bay, so we walked around the lot looking for a car that matched the number plate on the set of car keys and the car description. A lady beckoned over to a little red Peugeot. She had heard it open and close by the remote key. Sweating, we loaded up the tiny car with our bags and the woman, who was French but lived in Brisbane, gave us directions to our hotel in Noumea. We were grateful, feeling insecure without data or a map.

The car was a manual, LH drive. Luckily Matt was the driver. He bunny hopped the car at first, testing out the RHS of the road. Kudos to him, it couldn’t have been easy, but I spent the whole forty minutes to Noumea bracing myself as the car seemed to cling to the right hand side of the road – my side –  to me it felt like we were brushing up against the foliage on my side of the road, and I was convinced we were going to go off into the side verge. But every time I yelled out in panic, Matt yelled back at me, telling me to zip it and stop being so paranoid. By the time we got to Noumea my nerves were shot.

We found our way to the waterfront and parked at the marketplace. It was about 2pm, just as the last of the stallholders were packing up. We made our way to a restaurant (something du monde) and tried our first local beer, called Numero One, connected to their wifi and figured out where our hotel was. It turned out to be only 2 or 3 blocks away. So we walked there leaving the little red Peugeot and announced ourselves at Hotel Gondwana Art. We got the key for the room and paid an extra $10 to park in their underground car park.

Having been there on foot it was easy to navigate by road, and we knew to avoid the roadworks. Construction work was underway at a museum they were restoring. The hotel was quirky with a comfortable, dark room. Matt was impressed with its two fridges. But we had nothing to put in them apart from my small bottle of fireball I had bought duty free.

So then to find food! No easy task. Everything seemed closed on Saturday afternoon in Noumea, apart from jewellers, clothes and handbag shops. But we were soon to learn that in the rest of NC, it’s not just Saturday. Everything closes at 2pm.

We finally found one grocery store that was open, and bought a bottle or red wine, a bottle opener (tire bouchon) and a knife to cut the cheese and salami. We headed down to the water, on the way coming across a patisserie where I bought a tarte tartin. We sat on a bench near a navy frigate which seemed to be having some sort of open day. We picnicked on warm beer and our bread and cheese.

After a shower at the hotel, we went for dinner just around the corner. Matt had a lamb shank which smelled like his grandad’s armpits on Christmas day. I had a guacamole and salsa thing with a few prawns arranged around it. Not great food.

Day 2 – Nowhere to swim and nowhere to picnic